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08.19.2001 A Pre-Season Rant Before we start the outdoor season, there are a few things that I think should be understood. Let’s first talk about what is important. First and foremost, Riverside is about putting out a side that in which everyone can be proud. Everything else is window dressing. The web site is and was created as a means by which the team could transfer information. This information could be in the form of game times, bad jokes, or personal ridicule to others. The only thread was that the people involved are Riverside. We even accept submissions form ex Riversiders. All additions are wanted and accepted. However, over the time that the website has been running, I have heard a few disparaging comments about who and what is being put on the site. Some have even gone as far as to say that the site just for self-adoration and sophomoric humor. Let me state here and now that no one who is a regular contributor on this site likes or is liked by anyone who actually matters. As for the sophomoric humor, if a joke is good, it’s good. This even counts for fart jokes. In other words, you can make fun of anyone Gil sleeps with as long as you do it with style (this does not include any of the management of the men’s team). If you have an opinion about the team or the site, write it down and send it in. If you have the time to read this, you have the time to respond. Pink even put in a message board for those of you who have no literary ability. If all you are going to do is bitch, then shut the hell up. You people are about as worthless as a windshield wiper on a goat’s ass. Now, back to being the captain and serious business. I would like to comment on the performance of the men’s team in light of the upcoming Dallas tournament. First the good news, the teams seems to be trying to string together passes which could probably be mistaken for soccer. There may be signs of life in the old body. I see that management have used the summer sessions to try out some new legs. I can only hope that Skip got these players on a free transfer because all the funds in the club have gone into the cute long sleeve strip. We are lucky that these came in just in time for the summer session. As a longstanding member of the team, I do hope that the future of Riverside will be successful (I’m sure by now all of you are waiting for the ranting and cutting comments). I hope for a lot of things. I hope that Pink will lose weight. I hope that Phil’s hair will somehow straighten. I hope that Toby will shoot straight and Jose will quit kissing men during the game. I may be a dreamer but I do realize what we are dealing with on the field. Santa will not come down the chimney with skills and Jesus will not descend from on high and point his finger toward our sideline and miracle everyone athletic ability. I know this about Riverside. But there used to be one other thing that I knew about Riverside. Every team used to hate to play us because we played with grit and heart. There was no such thing as a fifty ball. We either got the ball or committed a foul. We hit as a team and everyone hated us for it. We have become a group of pansy assed, weekend warrior, also-rans. If we are going to play like this, why don’t we go play division five at Hat Trick against fat old Edmond guys? Wait, some of us already do that. For those of you that are new to the team, I hope that you think more of us than what you have seen this summer. For those of you that haven’t been playing the way a Riversider should ‘a curse on your family’. For those of you who have been non-reliable in the summer, remember, you can be replaced. For all of Riverside, when we go to Dallas, I want you to keep two goals in mind for every game. By half time of every game I want an even score and fifteen team fouls. I want them to know whom they are playing. Oh yeah, If any Riversider gets a card for dissention or foul language instead of a hard foul, I think we should take him to Deep Elem and tie him naked to a street sign and let the Dallas chapter of NAMBLA have there way with him. Obviously we have no need for him on our side. Lonnie M James III |
