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03.29.2004

What The Hell is Wrong With Us

Do we have to take the same path as the "flying monkeys" and buy some Africans. Wait, don't they have laws against that? What about the Trojans and Gold Key (I think that is what they are being called this week)? Why do they come over and talk to us as if we are nice people. I don't like them. They smell bad. They don't hate us. We need to take a look in the mirror and decide that we have gotten soft. Not just the pooch around the beltline but in the way we approach the game. We need to look at those young guy on the other teams and remember that they are the enemy. We must hit them and hit them and hit them. If they were any good at soccer they would be playing at a college and not invading our league. It is time to take back from the hair care boys. Riverside needs to gird up our loins and get stuck in. Let's keep the skill that we have and add some heart. The only person who is allowed to play only with skill is Scuba Steve. I feel bad about the hair line, so he gets compensation. Everyone else needs to be on another teams hit list.

We are winning games but I feel the wind changing. We are old men playing a boys game. This is our time and we must make sure that we get some hardware. We need to start thinking like a team that wants to be at the top of the table. I want to play for a state championship against one of those fag Tulsa teams. I want to be the leader of men and I don't mean men who drink light beer with their Viagra while they look at swatches for their drapes in their new homes while their clove cigarette smoking girlfriends take them to poetry readings. . .wait, was that a flashback. . .where am I? Oh yeah, soccer. Boys, It's time for everyone to come back to the altar of Riverside and sell your soul to anarchy.

Two games into the new season and the team is shaping up. Spirits are high and Gil has already injured himself. We have thrown off the yolk of the oppressive women's team and football is in the air. Could we be getting into shape? Doubtful. Could we working on our skills in our spare time? Hopeful, but also doubtful. Could it be because we have become smarter as we grow older? . . . I'm sorry what was the question?

What the hell is wrong with us?

Everyone in the league seems to like us and Moreno is scoring goals. This is not the Riverside team I grew up wanting to play on. Those guys were Gods. Yes, Big G, Gods. Other teams hated to see them on the schedule. Yellow cards and cleats flew while beers flowed and women cried. I take out old pictures of these guys and wonder what ever happened to them. Was it the hard living that did them in or did they just lose their way somewhere on the path to enlightenment. I grew up wanting to be one of the hated men.

They were a team where games were won on grit and steel and not the skill and heart of a small Salvadoran man. Well, I may be wrong about the heart, Moreno may be right. He may be the only person on the team who remembers that Riverside is about doing whatever it takes to win. He still yells and fouls and shows up late in the wrong socks. I don't remember anyone betting to get the first big hit of the game or even Jose kissing anyone. Henson hasn't been asked to go to a disciplinary hearing in over a season. We talk about getting new jerseys like we are French fashion designers at an outdoor café. Why have we become a kinder, gentler Riverside? What do we need to do to become the most hated team in the league. I'm not asking you to stand tall, just to stand up. Have I mentioned that it's time to be hated again?

I know everyone has a job to go to tomorrow but lets just make sure that it's the guys on the other team that do it with a limp.

Lonnie M James III