We slip out into the darkness to meet our delivery of absinthe. . .

The winter cold has found a home in my joints. Oh, how I long for the days of continual pain and anguish from battles well fought. I am forced into writing as a weak substitute for the feeling of an opponent?s ankle buckling under my cleat. The thought of the force of a Riverside slide tackle and the arguments that always follow make me giddy with anticipation of the new season. I want to smell the dead grass and dirt in my nostrils. I want the taste of my sweat mixing the froth of my halftime beer.

This is my call to all Riverside. We need to gird our loins for the new season. (Instructions for loin girding can be found on Phil?s personal web page) We need to rise up from our victory as the over 30 champion (actually, if you only have to beat one team, is it really important to be called champions) and step up to a new level of commitment. This season, we should aim for the division championship. I don?t care that COASL has absolutely no idea about promotion or relegation. Our goal should be to beat the crap out of every team that the higher ups deem to put in the division. I don?t care if Man. U reserves are a team in Division 3. We should win games, score goals, foul the crap out of them, and to beat their fans over the head with sacks of shite.

Everybody hates us, and we don?t care. We should embrace our lot. We are the unwashed masses. We are the unwanted, unloved, untouchables. Let their arms get weary, and fall off from exhaustion, from writing memos and emails about Riverside. Our goal is to revel in the idea of being at the top of the table and everyone hating seeing it there.

What this will take is commitment. We need everyone at every game. We need our priorities in place. Our lives should be run in this order. God, country, Riverside/family (tied for third), personal well being. Wait, I forgot beer. Okay, so it?s God, country, beer/Riverside/family (tied for third), personal well being. Wait, I forgot the new American Gladiators and loose women. This list is getting way to long. Anyway, the point is that we win with numbers. The more Riverside there is the more they get hit. That?s the way it is and that?s the way we want it.

Blow the whistle you pansy. Let the games begin.

Lonnie James,
Gaffer